Tuesday, August 20, 2013


A few years ago, I was a different person.
Fueled by something that had only grown larger by the day.
Three stamps from going postal.

A few years ago I was not only unhappy, I was angry.
Fire ran through every vein.
Toxic thoughts and something so painful I could hardly hold on.
My whole world- something burning, something molten, mind run by an indescribable demon that I had let myself fall victim to.
I gave in, gave up, gave way too much.

I failed to see the sprouts of life growing from in between the cracks of concrete- the perfect geometry of a succulent- the survival instincts written deep in the bones of the animals around me.
I was so lost, so deep in my pain, that I walked through life with my eyes closed.
What I could see was black and white, and what I didn't know, didn't exist.

It was one day on vacation, driving with a friend, that I said... this is it.
Things are going to change.
Things have to change.

Today I am a success story.
A survivor.
A girl looking through the 8 eyes of a spider at every tiny, beautiful thing.
Today, the world around me is more giving, more glorious, far more vibrant than I could ever even begin to believe.

As another friend of mine preaches to me daily, "Success is deliberate."
If you truly want something you wont make excuses.
You'll fall and you will rise.
You'll look to the sky instead of down at your feet.
You'll hold on with both hands and your heart.
And you'll keep swimming.
You will swim no matter how deep you sink.
Because you want it.
You honestly and wholeheartedly want it.

That day I instilled in myself the power of positive thinking
Rejecting the negative.
Refusing the ugly.
Relinquishing the past.
Never looking back. 

And today, I am here.
Today, every color within me shines.

I am happy. 
Genuinely, perfectly, undeniably, happy.

Thank you to everyone who has ever supported me.
Thank you for reading my words.
Thank you for understanding that I too, am human.
Thank you for letting me be honest.
Thank you for letting me leave my past behind. 

You are appreciated far beyond words.



  1. I so very much appreciate your honesty. I truly do. Thank you for being human, thank you for writing about it.
    Congratulations on turning that beautiful and essential corner in your life.

    1. Thank you Brandi.
      I am so thankful that the past is the past- and the future is so beautiful and bright.

  2. oh, dear girl, i love your openness and honesty. and willingness.

    i've been where you are, in that angry fire-flowing-through-vein place of dissatisfaction. i have changed. we can change.

    we CAN change. and it's all a deliberate conscious decision.

    i cannot let up. everyday is a challenge to rise above. it does not come easy for me. but i am not going back.

    SO GOOD to have you on this leg of my journey through life.


    1. We can change.
      There was a very long period of time where I didn't believe people could change- possibly bc I didn't fully believe in the fact that I could.
      It was a rough road.
      A daily process.
      It was hard... but it was also easy.

      The clear mind that comes with work- the smile that comes through any angry eyes.. it's amazing.
      It makes me feel unbreakable.
      The people of this world will never define me again.

      So glad you are here.

  3. Ashley,

    I always love reading your words; especially these. I love life so much and am drawn to others who also do. Thank you for being a friend who provides bright, eyes-wide-open honesty and integrity to their life work. You are awesome. Go on and hug yourself for me.


    1. This made my whole face light up in a smile.
      Thank you Kerry.

  4. Oh, you little surviving bird!! Your broken wings are mended! Bless your heart. You said so long to the pain and now you are using your new spirit and energy and love of nature on creating beautiful things for us, your new family, to admire and enjoy and hold dear to our hearts.
    Surely you know how much we love you!

    1. I love this family.
      It is wonderful.
      However did I get so lucky?

  5. Ashley,

    Can't express the depth of which I love this post. These would be my exact words to express where I've come from. Would you mind if I share your post on my blog site? In gratitude.