The night does something weird to me. No, I don't grow fangs or claws or thirst for human blood, but I do almost feel like a completely different person. I've never had issues being alone. In fact, sometimes I really love it. We all need alone time. Alone time at night is my favorite. I love sitting in the dark with only the glow of my computer or under the one light in my studio perched at my bench. There are no distractions. I'm not thinking about what I need to get done before dinner, nor am I wondering who I'll hear from. I know that everyone I love is safe... that they are tucked away in their beds, relaxing, enjoying the still. It's calming and my head suddenly clears. Music sounds more near and sweet to my ears and I'm not fighting off the other sounds of the sunlight.
I wish my bench were at a window. I am always so jealous of the photos I see of other artist who have fabulous windows with plants and grass and trees.. or a beach. Sigh, maybe if I keep working I can add some kind of reality to that dream. I can see myself now, sitting, star gazing, feeling so open and free and peaceful. I love the thought-- ah, for now, my window, you are a big, fat, ugly white wall with crap pinned and hung all over it. For now. I can't wait to trade you in.
My dad always tells me something really wonderful. Something that makes me feel like I'm where I am because it's where I should be and like I am doing one of the best things for myself by growing this business. He told me look, look what you do. You can create something from nothing and people want it. They want it so much that they give you their money for it. This is something not everyone can say that they have the ability to do. No matter where you are in life, no matter what happens, you have this and this will keep you safe... (these aren't his exact words, but I'm somewhere close-isssh..)
He brought a light to my heart when he told me that, lifted a weight, cleared a fog that I walked with in my mind. He is right. Artists are lucky... we have something to give, always. Something to hold up, something we can produce from nothing, we can provide for ourselves with that which we were born with... and I think that's pretty damn cool. What's more cool- having a father who so deeply cherishes that. I'm lucky.
Tonight, I am creating something completely new. I'm incredibly excited about it, mostly because I feel like it is truly mine. I haven't seen anything like it, the idea didn't come from another book, or artist, or anything of the sort, it came from me... At least I believe that to be true. Some do not believe anything to be a "new" idea, but I think that that's giving the magical magnitude of the human mind too little credit.
Here's a little bit of love for your Monday.
Have a wonderful night.