Oh the questions. The constant, constant, constant questions. They're always in my head. Nagging me. From the minute I wake up until the second my mind finally quiets for the night, they are there. They're the fear inside of me. They're what I am positive have held me back. But they aren't winning anymore. No, I will suffocate each one of them as they have suffocated me, and I will bring them back when I need them.... to further my success... as smart business questions that are not around to scare me, but to be answered boldly and bravely and with a step, one foot in front of the next.
So many parts of my business have come so easily to me, and some have haunted me since the very beginning. My largest problem, I feel, is finding cohesion. Having both love for strong, modern architecture, and then, on the other hand, such organic, free form, earthy shapes.. it's enough to keep me up at night. Bold colors and soft natural hues of the wild... steel, cement, ....and tree bark and fossils. AHHHHH! This is the tic toc in my head, which must seem so silly to so many people. I know these two things can be brought together. I know. But this line, this jewelry, it represents so much of me that it is so hard to try and settle and then I fear I will want to change my mind.
Sigh. The worries of a designer. The worries of an artist. You'd think the life of my first unborn child were at stake the way my head thinks about it... and how trivial it must all seem to everyone else. Maybe it is about finding the humor in it myself? In the end... maybe it is all in my head. Someone called my booth and work whimsical the other day... I hated it. That word, whimsical. Chilling. I itch. My dad says I use too many commas when I write. I think just saw someone in the hallway. Did I remember to turn off the stove?
Oh great, I'm crazy.
I love commas! For me, it's the fear of spending too much, too much on the tools to make the product. There are so many paths I want to walk on, but when I come to a bridge, I don't know if I want to pay the toll to go across. I wish I had the means, but it's always going to be one step at a time.
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